Grief Woke Me Up: This Is My Time Now.

This month marks the first anniversary of my mother’s passing. It has been the most difficult and confusing year of my life.

Losing her made me want to quit my job. It made me want to stop everything I was doing and change my entire life at once. I guess you could say I went through a midlife panic—or perhaps an awakening.

Suddenly, I understood just how short life can be.

I was 43 years old when my mother passed away, and there I was, still working at the same job I had held for 20 years. I began asking myself some difficult questions: What am I doing with my life? Am I going to continue doing the same old thing for another 20 years?

Absolutely not.

The book I had started while my mother was still alive remained unfinished on my computer. Naturally, I had stepped away from it while I grieved and handled her mail, bills, and everything else that follows such a painful loss.

Then I began writing again—and the book seemed to take off on its own.

The characters came alive, and I couldn’t stop typing. The story took over my world. I would go to work, handle my office responsibilities, and then use every spare moment I could find to keep writing.

I felt alive again. I felt happy.

Writing became more than a hobby. It became the one passion that never grew old. Over the years, I tried painting, running, and other activities, but eventually, they all began to feel unfulfilling. I wasn’t satisfied. If anything, I felt as though I was wasting my time—the same way I had begun to feel about my insurance career.

My mother’s death frightened me because it reminded me that none of us has unlimited time. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing something that leaves me bored and fails to fulfill my soul.

I need more.

That realization also transformed my three-year personal blog into a Christian inspirational website. I went from complaining about my life to thanking the Lord for keeping me alive. My entire attitude began to change.

I returned to church consistently, and it helped my emotional well-being tremendously. I began using my time and energy for things that truly mattered—and it made a difference.

Serving others, serving the church, and trying to encourage people have brought me a deep sense of purpose. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I was still hurting inside and battling depression, but I was finally moving in a healthier direction because I had decided it was time to pursue what I love and use my life to help others.

So here we are—September 9, 2026.

I still have the same insurance job I have completely outgrown. I cannot leave until I am financially stable, and I understand that. For now, I will continue working while I build the life I truly want.

I will finish my book and self-publish it on Amazon. I will continue selling on eBay until it grows into a real business. And perhaps one day, I will be able to write professionally full-time.

That is my hope. That is my dream.

I have already lost too much precious time. Now, I must grow into this new version of myself—the woman learning how to live without her mom while carrying everything her mom taught her.

I need to discover who that woman is. I need to leave the past where it belongs and step boldly into what comes next.

This is my time now.

I am stronger. I am wiser. I am ready.

And I refuse to let fear, grief, or anyone else stand in my way.